“What time do you want to go to my family’s house on Christmas Eve?” you ask your boyfriend of two months. You’re looking forward to introducing him to your relatives because you’ve been bragging to them that your relationship has been perfect so far. That is, until you hear his response to your question.
“Oh,” he says, turning a little red. “I didn’t think we’d be spending the holidays together with each other’s families. You know, we’re just dating.”
“Oh, sure,” you say, “I knew that.”
You proceed to go home, shut off your cell phone, block him on your Instant Messenger buddy list, and write him a 5-page email explaining that he led you on to believe you were special, and that you need to break up with him now.
If you didn’t get that far yet, girls, then listen up. Let’s explore what the phrase “just dating means”, apply it to your relationship, and plan what to do to move from “just dating” to “couple” status IF your guy is worth it. So, how do you know if he’s worth it?
You see, there is a “Type A” sort of guy, and there is a “Type B”. Simply put, one isn’t worth it, and the other has potential. As a female in search of a solid, healthy relationship, you must be able to distinguish between the two.
Let’s begin with “Type A”. This one is a real charmer. He can either be shy or outspoken, but certain characteristics definitely set Type A apart from the rest. Believe me, you’ll know if you’re dating Type A. He frequently breaks plans with you at the last moment. Type A will not make a habit of picking you up at your house for a date – you’ll usually have to meet him somewhere. When he does pick you up, he’ll oftentimes drop you off early so he can do something else – such as go out with his friends. His friends will usually even be around on your dates. Type A tends to be selfish, materialistic, and perpetually unsatisfied with everything and everyone he comes across.
The word “commitment” terrifies Type A. Type A claims to be either too young or not at the point in his life to be prepared for a relationship. He wants to “see what is out there before settling down”. He expects you to date him, while at the same time understanding his need to be with other women. Type A checks out potential dates while you’re standing right next to him.
“I think you’re a nice enough person for me to hang around with”, Type A is thinking, “But I know someone even nicer is bound to come along.”
Listen up, girls. Type A is irresistible to you because he has made himself unattainable. Of course you want him. You always want what you can’t have, and he knows it. He loves it. He thrives on it. But no matter how you try to sugarcoat, justify, or argue it – to Type A the phrase “just dating” means exactly how it sounds: no strings attached, no commitment, no relationship.
You are not going to change Type A’s mind. You are never going to be his girlfriend. Accept it. Give up. Forget him. Move on. More often than not, Type A will appear at your door 5 years down the road, when he realizes that he blew a good thing. And more often than not, you will slam the door in his face.
But don’t despair. You may just have yourself a “Type B” instead.
Unlike Type A, Type B tends to have had long-term relationships in the past. This is a good sign, signaling that he doesn’t have a phobia of commitment. However, he may have been hurt deeply by a past long-term sweetheart. He is usually someone who has a good relationship with his family; perhaps he’s a bit of a Mama’s Boy. He goes out of his way to help little old women cross the street. You are attracted to his kindness of heart, and this is what makes him irresistible to you. And unlike Type A, he will pick you up for a date, and perhaps even bring you flowers. He shows respect for you. He tends to be smart and analytical, looking at a decision from all angles before making it. He claims not to want to hurt you by jumping into a relationship too fast. So he tells you that perhaps you should “just date” for now. You take this as an insult, a blow-off line, an easy way out.
But STOP! Turn that phone back on. Put his screen name back on your buddy list. Mr. “Type B” is in the process of making his decision, girls. And he’s not taking it lightly. I know, when you are infatuated with someone it is not easy to be patient. But Type B may be worth the wait. Remember, familiarity breeds comfort. Let Type B get used to you. Let him want to be with you, and you alone. Let him make the moves. Let him come to you when he is ready. DO NOT pursue or chase him DO NOT get impatient with him, and throw fits of rage about how you don’t understand him. You see, he is weeding out exactly that type of girl – the type that doesn’t understand him. You will be irresistible to him simply by having a wonderful attitude, a huge smile, and the desire to show him that you want to get to know him as a person. Be his friend above all, because that is the foundation of any good relationship.
So this Christmas you may not be sitting at his family’s table. But next Christmas he may be giving you a wedding ring. More often than not, Type B’s live on the same side of the door with us 5 years down the road.